You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
