I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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