Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
