i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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