So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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