Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
