remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
