after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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