It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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