No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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