Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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