its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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