I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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