Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
