please come you make the beer taste better
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize