Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
babies were throwing up all over the place
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So vagazzling was a success
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
