Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
