I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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