Dual....:-)
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
