tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
