so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
