Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Bring me that man meat
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
