I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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