Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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