you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
