JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
