I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
