i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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