well you can't waste a boner
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
