you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
