Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
