The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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