Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
