just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
