God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize