wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
