love makes seman taste better
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
