I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
