I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
