just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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