The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
