I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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