it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
