I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
