Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
