Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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