No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
