"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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