Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
