Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Randomize
