Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
