Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
