his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
did you just send me my own nude
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize