Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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