I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
