just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize