I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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