Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
