i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
