It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Text me some of your sweat
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
