My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
