you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize