I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
