You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
