I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
