Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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