I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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