Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
