I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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